Juggling

By this time next week I'll have a novel draft done and out to my friend Char, and my husband, and whomever else wants to risk reading a novel draft of a non LDS chick lit novel. So at this point my status is this: 1 novel waiting for a reply at Deseret Book (though if it doesn't sell there, I'm fairly sure I can sell it somewhere in the LDS market), 1 novel doing the rounds with agents (currently 2 of them have requested partials), and 1 novel under construction. And this is why so many aspiring writers give up. This is a long time to work without a paycheck and a lot of work to do. Having said that, there is no alternative way forward at this stage of a career. This isn't the job for someone who wants immediate recognition, or instant gratification.

I also have some short stories I want to be circulating, but we need to get the computer that is connected to the printer working first. My husband's working on that right now. I don't like not having anything about to come out; it's a state I try to avoid, but it happens, given the kind of writing I do. I suppose I'm not technically in said state, because I do have an article in a jewelry magazine slated to be out in the fall. At times like this, I envy freelancers who do articles, not because I want to do those, but because of the volume they can turn over.

So, anyway, for what it's worth, this latest novel I've been working on is the most exciting project since my last published one. It's one of those that is coming together nicely; I still have hours and hours and hours of writing and edits to do, but at least I know what the finished product ought to look like, which makes it "easy", as standards for this kind of thing go.

But for anyone who wants a writing update, as people request from time to time, the grind just goes on and on. Wish me luck!

Do children really make you happier? I really think that depends on you.

Do children really make you happier? Mother-of-three PENNY MARSHALL investigates... | Mail Online

There have been a couple of these big studies done recently that "reveal" that parents aren't any happier than non-parents, and this is supposed to be a bombshell. First of all, can I just point out some obvious points? One: The studies were done in the UK and US, and whaddya know, they really are free societies. People really do live the lives they choose. So it would follow that most people made the choice that made them happiest. It does not follow that if you switch people from one group to another, they'd feel the same way. Two: I always wonder at the motivation of people who do these studies, or more specifically, the people who report on them. The title "Do Children Really Make You Happier" reveals an obnoxious bias, the insinuation being that maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't have children because you won't "be happier". Why write that? Because you want to dig at people who have kids (look, someone's gotta do it, and if you really think it's not worth it, at least be charitable)? Because you're not sure about your decision not to have them? Because you regret having them? What is the author's issue here?

But most important would be point number three of mine, which is this, I think the modern parent needs a MAJOR attitude adjustment. Do you know how many people congratulated me on being pregnant the first time? Less then five. If you think you were one of them... heh... re-examine your memory. Nearly everyone said, "Oooh, you think you're ready?" Or "You think you've had sleep deprivation before!" Or "I guess they're worth it." Maybe people thought they were being funny, but when I joke like that, I'm being a jerk. (And yes, I usually mock these negative comments to pregnant ladies. And yes, I'm being a jerk to anyone and everyone who's ever uttered such a thing.) The one truly nice thing anyone said to us was a father of ten, who said to my husband, "Oh, you're going to have fun! We had so much fun with our kids, we would've had more if we could." Meaning no disrespect to the family whatsoever, their kids are no cuter or more angelic or more brilliant than countless others we know. What was so refreshing there was the father's attitude. Why not say something nice to an expectant parent? Why make some lame brain crack about how awful it all is?

Because you're going to live the life you set up for yourself with your expectations. If the first thing out of your mouth is a complaint, you're going to have a lot to complain about, and that'll be true no matter how many kids you have, or how alone and childless you are. Can I just say, for the record, that I love being a mother? I love having a child and I look forward to having another. Yeah, it's hard work, blah, blah, blah. So was law school. So's starting my own business. So's figuring out a budget so I could move abroad and selling a house in a recession. Who has time to complain about all this stuff??? Why waste it when you could be playing with your kids instead? Is my apartment a total mess? Sure. Do I deal with more tantrums now than before I had children? Yes (and that is a very good thing, really). Is it terrifying to live with my heart outside of my body now, loving something so little and so fragile so much? Absolutely. Would I trade it for anything? I already answered that question when I elected to have a child!

So is it any mystery that people with kids don't claim to be any happier as a result? It isn't to me. Not given all the whining I've heard. Now, as a disclaimer I should note that our current ward at church has been a breath of fresh air. No one's whined or carried on one bit about the burden of having children. The little ones running around all seem to be cherished and enjoyed. Really, there's no other way to do this. Life, no matter how we choose to live it, should be making you happier and happier with each choice we make, and the number one choice that we make, is whether to complain, or whether to count our blessings.

Speaking of which, one of mine is being far too quiet at the moment. I need to go check that out...

One blog I do read regularly

Has posts that are about 4 lines long, and they crack me up. I guess I'll tag this "for aspiring writers" because this is a literary agent posting snarky comments on the queries he/she receives (I don't actually know which agent this is, but none of my queries have ever appeared on the blog, just for the record.)

http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/

Sad but true, these are real queries, and even more sad, I've heard people say almost the same things to me when they talk about their writing aspirations. If you think you want to be a writer... read this blog for a quick check. If you've ever thought to send a query like any of these... please re-evaluate? They are all ridiculous, okay? (Yes, I do worry about some people emailing me to say, "But I can understand sending one like such and so date. That agent is just so mean!")

Why I'm a hermit much of the time

Well, I got my netbook, and a new video card for my computer, but now we've got to deal with Windows. It had a fit because it can't recognize the video card and, for no intelligent reason we can discern, can't start up in safe mode either. But I'm so used to having everything backed up all the time that as long as I have a machine I can work on, I'm happy. My netbook is nicer than the last laptop I owned - hence even more than I need at the price of a netbook. I love the technology market! The desktop requires either a new OS or the recovery disk, and we'll figure that out when Trevor's back from travel.

Last night, while we installed the video card, we needed a screwdriver, so called a friend, who came by and seemed to find our obsession with computer technology very strange. He'd never seen an Alienware before and couldn't fathom why someone would have a desktop that huge, or why it would need to be water cooled. Several mocking comments were made about the name "Alienware" - because I do that, don't you? Walk into people's homes and ridicule the possessions they've clearly put time and money into? When I explained it was for gaming, then he acted amused and said he "didn't have time for that". (Because as we all know, it's such a huge time investment...) While I appreciate the favor, I do get tired of the silly judgments people pass on me and my life. I never make fun of people who watch sports, or television in general, or shop for fun, or spend hours on Facebook, or just waste tons of time (well, okay, that does drive me up the wall). I especially don't mock people who have hobbies I've never tried.

I think we all feel defensive in this way. We're all a little different. Some of us are a lot different. I prefer to live in a small space, as small as is possible, because I hate cleaning and of all the things I could spend money on or invest it in, that just doesn't appeal. At age 34, I've had a law career and owned my own practice, and now own my own little jewelry business. I've published one novel and a handful of short stories. While living on my husband's small student stipend I prefer to be home with my young son where I write books, make jewelry, and let myself sleep whenever I'm able (still looking forward to going back on my sleep meds.) I often find it much easier to just be on my own than be around other people who invariably tell me that it's nice that I'm taking time "off" in life. Off? In the last seven months I've finished one novel that I've got out to agents, launched a home business, am halfway through another novel, and have provided full time childcare for my son. I don't do time off; I never have. It sounds boring.

Yet I often feel looked down upon by people who see my writing as a cute little hobby, the home business as invisible, because I'm not clocking in and clocking out and wearing suits, but instead just have a lot beads and wire around at all times, and the childcare as something that only people who can't get jobs do as a last resort. A lot of people don't go straight through school, so the very idea that I'd have a law career in my past just drops off their radar. Obviously I'm too young for that. It never occurs to me to comment on their jobs. I'm sure if I wanted to be a jerk I could come up with some scathing dismissals for what they do all day, but who wants to be a jerk?

I guess a lot of people are accidentally jerks. They just don't think. They blather on with their commentary without even noticing they're doing it. But anyway, this blogpost isn't about how alone I am. Quite the opposite. I think many if not most of us feel this way. That we can't be ourselves or talk about ourselves without inviting unsolicited criticism. Nevertheless, I feel people, even people who feel judged for their life choices, judge me for being a hermit too. Now that shouldn't be hard to understand at all. :-)

Are there no geeks in Britain??? There are not.

People say extended warranties on computers are a waste of money, but for me they're a sound investment. And before the usual know it alls tell me to buy a Mac (though they don't even bother to read even this far in one of my posts, so I'm probably wasting type here), graphics cards go out in Macs too. Actually, given the age of the computer, it's holding up very well. It's old enough that even I was surprised to find out it was still under warranty, but I'd bought the longest warranty they offered, and it looks like I'll get my money's worth out of it. But for what it's worth, I think Alienware is truly staffed by aliens, because they made a computer that lasted a normal lifespan in my care.

So, no, the story of my desktop being out of commission isn't another post on my famous computer curse. The fact that it went out of commission at the same time my netbook decided that all it wanted to do was type "...." all day and Trevor's netbook forgot how to connect to wifi, is, however, thanks to my curse. And no, I will not be replacing my netbook with a Mac either. I bought a netbook on the theory that since I was used to having to get a new laptop-y thing every year (way too expensive for my tastes) I could instead get a cheapo netbook, burn through it, and get a new one of those every year for a fraction of the price (and it'll be a lot of years before that totals a Mac laptop). My Asus lasted about 18 months, next I'll try a Samsung and see how it holds up (I wouldn't recommend the Asus, by the way. Not for someone who uses a netbook for hours a day and carries it around everywhere. The card reader gets too hot unless you set the netbook up on a hard surface all the time, and to me, true portability means being able to hold the thing in your lap or balance it on your knee.)

But as I shopped for netbooks, I came to the startling realization that there are no true geeks in Britain. There aren't. I don't want to hear silly protests to the contrary because I have proof. Try to buy a netbook without Windows on it online in the UK. Even Dell discontinued their Ubuntu line. I talked to my friend who works for Google (to whom I owe a huge thank you for kindly looking up some phone numbers for me when all my computers were down - thank you Ian) and he routinely buys Windows machines and rips off the Windows to install Linux.

This is downright shocking, that people who think of themselves as geeks in this country are paying money to Microsoft. That, I fear, means they are not true geeks. They can dream, but alas, you don't get to carry the club card with something like that on your record - unless you shell out for one Windows machine to game. That, of course, is a different matter. So, I'll have a netbook with Windows 7 on it, that was priced accordingly. Darn you spineless wannabe geeks who didn't prop up a proper Linux market!!! You owe me fifty pounds, at least! *shakes fist* At least, thanks to the UK mail system, I get it tomorrow. Until then I have Trevor's netbook (which relearned how to wifi) and I'm sure he'll be relieved to have it out of my clutches. I just hope it doesn't break before then...

And yeah, I'm writing my novel on this thing, while my son naps. (Yay for naptime!)

168 Hours, people whine more than they think

Yeah, okay, reading this book did put me in a sarcastic mood. I bought it because it looked interesting (and it was). My husband's reading it now. I have to say, though, through the opening chapters I experienced an overwhelming sense of "Duh." Among the revelations were: 1) people don't work anywhere near as long as they claim to; our culture is in love with the idea of being overworked and thus people who complain about long work hours and dilly-dally around the office in long, pointless meetings and inefficient work strategies think there's something noble about this, 2) how people spend their time depends on the choices they make; the claim "I didn't have time" is a myth, what they're really saying is, "It wasn't a priority." I think the author did a fantastic job of making this nice and clear, and I do recommend this book.

I'm curious to talk to my friend with CFS about her impressions of it, if she has time to read an excerpt or two. She and I have chuckled together about how often people look at us with our disorders and say, "I know how you feel." Seriously, if you know how I feel, you need medical help, or you're an idiot (I leave it to you to figure out which.) The whole first part of the book, to me, detailed how people are so in love with the idea that their lives are hard that they'll talk to people like me, at times like when I'm unable to sustain sleep for more than 90 mins in 24 hours, and say, "Oh, yeah, I know how you feel." As if there's something noble and desirable about feeling this way (pure insanity.) For anyone like that (you know who you are) read this book and get a real life!

The rest of the book made me feel wistful. I can and already do employ a lot of the tactics in it, though it opened my mind to some new ones as well, but for me it'll be of limited effect until I can actually schedule sleep like a normal person. The basic premise is, though, put your highest priorities first in any given week, cut out the dead weight from your schedule, and minimize, outsource, or ignore the small stuff that doesn't play to your strengths. One outsource idea I hadn't seriously considered was buying groceries online. It's not really feasible in the small town I come from, but here in London it's very cost effective. It costs less than the public transport to get to and from the grocery store, I can still use coupons, I can shop at 3am if I want, and it's super easy to keep a food budget when I have an instantaneous tally of the value of my shopping basket. I could get used to this :-)

We'll see how long it takes us to earn back the purchase price of the book. Okay, that might take a while, but even still, it's a worthwhile read that'll net most anyone some benefit. Even if, like me, their control of their schedule is tenuous at best.

Critique of The Last Airbender: Floating World (FacePainting)

Floating World (FacePainting)

For the most part, I agree with this article. I too find it ridiculous and blatantly racist that the lead for The Last Airbender went to an unknown white actor. I have to say, though, I found two aspects of the analysis flawed. The first was very insulting, and was this sentence:

Americans have a long standing history of playing other ethnic minorities, starting as far as 1829 with the play “Metamora."

"American" does not equal white. It never has, and that's institutional racism, pure and simple. I'm half white. I am all American.

The second was the argument that because The Last Airbender was done in English, this implies the leads are white. The article takes this as a serious argument. It's not. English isn't just for the English anymore. There are more English speakers in India than there are in England, so it's a dumb argument. Period. That, I feel, should have been added to the other analysis in the article.

But, sad to say, this article and ones like it needed to be written. I will not be going to see The Last Airbender. I agree. It's yellowface, blatant and inexcusable.